Dear Eric - A Coaching Crisis
Kim writes: “The guys where I play are always giving me advice, even the ones I’m better than. Should I say something? How do I get them to stop? (And why don’t they ever give other guys advice?)”
Short answer: Yes, say something, gently but clearly. You don’t owe anyone coaching mid‑game, and a polite boundary usually works better than stewing.
Why it happens
A lot of this is less about your skill and more about dynamics: some players default to offering tips because it makes them feel useful, it’s habit, or, bluntly , it’s a version of mansplaining where men assume authority. It’s usually performative, not helpful.
How to handle it in the moment
Keep it light: “Thanks, I’ve got this, but I’ll ask if I want a tip.”
Use humor to defuse: “Great idea, I’ll add it to my ‘unasked coaching’ file.”
Redirect: “If you see something specific, tell me after the game; I prefer to focus while we play.”
Make it stick off the court
Have a short, private chat with the habitual advisor: “I appreciate that you’re trying to help, but the constant advice disrupts my focus. If I want feedback I’ll ask.”
Enlist allies: ask your partner or a club captain to back you up if it keeps happening. A neutral voice, “We agreed no mid‑rally coaching,” carries weight.
If it persists
Raise it with court leadership or suggest a friendly etiquette reminder to the group.
Consider switching rotations or joining a different time/clinic where culture is more respectful.
Final thought: You don’t need to be confrontational to be firm. Set your boundary, decide how you want feedback delivered, and expect decent players to respect that. You’re there to play, not to be everyone’s mid‑game student.